The New Avengers vs The New Dishwasher
by magnetosdaughter
Summary: Takes place during Dark Reign, Clint is having a bad morning and it soon infects everyone.


**Title:** In this Corner, the New Avengers; In that Corner, the New Dishwasher

**Fandom:** Avengers

**Rating:** PG

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Author's Notes:** Set during _Dark Reign_ when the New Avengers are living at Captain America's apartment.

"What the Hell did you _do_?"

"Nothing! The dishes! People are always up my butt about doing the dishes so I was doing them!"

Bobbi's eyes flick from floor (wet) to Clint (frazzled) and back to floor (still wet) before meeting his gaze with resigned affection. "Do you know how to use this thing?"

"Of course!"

"Then why's it broken?"

"It's not my fault. It came broken."

She raises an eyebrow. "We've all been doing dishes for a week -"

Clint shakes head and hand. "It's not my fault -"

"What's going on in here?" Peter stops to survey the scene from the doorway.

Clint scowls. "Nothing!"

"Why's the floor wet?"

Bobbi shrugs. "Clint broke the dishwasher."

Clint's scowl deepens. "It's _not my_ - what are you doing?"

Peter looks up from the now web-encased dishwasher. "We need to stop the leak."

"With spider-webs?"

"Well I am Spider-Man."

"You're an idiot."

"At least _I_ know how to use a dishwasher!"

"I have better things to know!"

"Oh, goody, chauvinism in the morning."

"Excuse me?"

Bobbi steps in between the two men. "Guys, come on! Now is not the time!"

Clint shakes head and hands again as Jessica Drew pushes through, oblivious to the argument. "No, I want to hear this."

"Why's there goop on the dishwasher?" asks Jessica.

Clint points. "Peter!"

"I was helping the situation!"

"What situation?"

"Clint broke the dishwasher."

"For the love of God, Bobbi, stop saying that."

Clint glowers. Bobbi stares. Peter crosses his arms. Jessica rolls her eyes.

Bobbi sighs. "What are we gonna do?"

"Fix it," Clint barks. "Before James gets back."

Peter scrunches his nose. "I'd be more worried about Carol."

"Of course you'd be more worried about Carol."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Guys!"

"I need coffee for this." Jessica walks toward the counter, making space for Jessica Jones, Dani in tow.

"Hey all, what's with the conference in the kitchen?"

"Clint -" Bobbi blinks. "- is fixing the dishwasher."

Jess stares. "What? What happened? What the Hell'd you do, Peter?"

Peter throws up his hands. "CLINT _broke_ it. I am trying to _help_!"

"Okay, hand me a bottle." Jess holds out her empty hand.

Peter scratches his head. "What?"

"A bottle! Baby bottle? For the baby?"

"Oh." He turns and looks in cupboard. "Uh. We're out."

"Don't be stupid, how can we be out?" Jess marches over, baby bouncing on her hip, and opens the cupboard doors wide. The shelves are bare. "Where are all my baby bottles? Where is everything? What is going on?"

Jess turns to the room, glaring at each of the others for an explanation. Clint swallows sheepishly.

"Okay, look, I maybe accidentally spilled the coffee into the cupboard. And the sugar. But I was cleaning everything up!"

Jessica Drew looks up from her perch at the coffee maker. "Does that mean we're out of coffee?"

Jessica Jones ignores her. "Wait, you put ALL our dishes in the dishwasher?"

"Yeah." The others stare at him. "What?" They shake their heads. "Look, I put triple the soap in so it would - what? What?"

Clint glowers. Bobbi stares. Peter crosses his arms. Jessica rolls her eyes. The other Jessica mouths _Men_ to Dani.

"Yeah, I'm gonna go get Starbucks. Catch y'all later." Jessica Drew makes her way out; Jessica Jones adjusts the baby on her hip.

"I need a bottle!"

Clint huffs. "Well, there aren't any."

"That's not good enough!"

"Calm down, Jessica, I can fix this!"

Bobbi intervenes, placing a hand on Jessica's shoulder and nodding toward the other Jessica's retreating back. "Maybe we should go with?"

Clint nods. "Yes, you girls go get coffee and bottles and I'll get this fixed."

Peter huffs. "I rest my case."

"Please take him with you."

Peter raises an eyebrow. "You're gonna fix this alone?"

"You are the one who says it's my fault."

"It _is_ your fault."

"I can fix this. Please just get the baby and her mother out of the kitchen."

"Fine." Peter ushers Jessica and Dani out of the room, Bobbi decides to stay and waves after them. Clint smiles at her. They move together to look at the dishwasher.

"Okay, honey, I think it's just this connection, so if I can get it away from the wall, we're golden."

"Sure. Maybe we shouldn't have sent everyone with super strength to Starbucks."

Clint frowns. "I really don't need that right now."

"What?"

"The criticism."

"I'm not criticizing."

"Just help me."

"What about the water, won't it leak if we pull it away?"

"I think Pete's webs will contain it." Bobbi raises an eyebrow. "Just don't tell him I said so. Okay, on three. One, two-"

"AAAACK!" As they start to pull away from the wall, water gushes around them. Working quickly and blindly Clint grabs the webbing from the front of the dishwasher and stuffs it into the piping. The gush is neutralized.

"Ohmigod."

"Just don't-"

"Tell Peter, yeah, okay, I know. I won't tell anyone, how's that?"

"Yeah." He takes a deep breath. "Okay. Okay. I still need to fix this. I will get this thing out and fix it. You clean up the waterry mess."

"You owe me big for this."

He kisses the top of her head. "I know."

Fifteen minutes later Carol walks into the downstairs common room to find Clint wrestling with the dishwasher.

"Uh."

She stares.

"Hi?"

She continues to stare.

"Give me a hand?"

Carol walks over and plucks the dishwasher out of his hands. Clint breathes deeply. Carol frowns. "What are you doing?"

"The dishwasher needed a little work..."

"It's brand new!" Bobbi runs in from the kitchen at the noise. Carol ignores her as she adjusts the dishwasher to place a hand on her hip. "I just got it!" Clint ducks as she swings it to the other side. The better to glare at him. "What did you DO?"

"Told you so."

Clint and Carol look over to find Peter returned, flanked by Jessicas. "Shuttup, Peter!" they say in chorus. Peter throws up his hands innocently.

Clint stands up. "Look, it's fixed!"

Bobbi blinks. "It's fixed?"

"Yes. I just need to reattach it to the wall and everything will be good. Great. Really. Let's just do it before James comes back. Please?" One by one the others nod and they make their way to the kitchen. Clint has Carol replace the machine and hooks it back into the sink and the wall. "There. And..." He hits a button. "There." It whirs. "See?" The whirring gets louder and water starts to spurt; the Avengers duck in unison.

"AAAACK!"

The attack abates as quickly as it began. The crew look over to the machine, once again covered in goop. "You're welcome," says Peter.

Clint sighs. "All right. I'll go get a new one." Jessica Jones makes a noise. "And bottles." Jessica Drew makes a noise. "And coffee."

"What do we do with this?"

Carol picks up the webbed dishwasher again. "I'll take it out."

"Wait," says Peter, a twinkle in his eye. "I have an idea."

_One hour later._

"Director Osborn, this just arrived. Scans indicate webbing."

Norman looks up. "Spider-Man?"

"We're not certain, but definitely webbing, and some kind of power pack."

Norman nods and opens the package. He gingerly pulls back the thin strands of webbing -

"AAAACK!" Water gushes out of the machine, drenching Norman, Minnie-May and the office.

"SPIDER-MAN!"


End file.
